i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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