Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
