A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is my gift to your gina
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
