toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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