I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
