my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
