at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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