So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
These tits shall not be calmed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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