shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
