i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
