Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize