You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
