forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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