he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
