Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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