Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
