I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
