you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
