just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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