Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
