Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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