you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
