We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
