As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
