I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found your dick twin last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
