mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just pynch a tree in the face
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
