I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
