why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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