How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
