He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
