omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
