Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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