bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
