where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
