batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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