Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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