apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
