oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
