I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
