Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
