You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
