do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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