3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this beer tastes like vomit already
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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