How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
