He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
