We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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