Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
