I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
