Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You pole danced in your parka.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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