So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
