I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
