do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize