the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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