the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
