If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
