Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I want her autograph on my taint
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
