I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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