Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
