that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
