Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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