he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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