you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
