Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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