I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
